The Apple of Discord
© Lyrics Melissa Levis, Music David Weinstein
Hera: It says "To
the fairest" so it must be me.
Athena: (grabbing the apple) Hera, smarten up, I disagree.
Aphrodite: Clearly I'm the fairest, as any man can see!
All 3: Zeus, will you decide?
Zeus: (aside) My hands are tied!
Ladies, I suggest you pick someone more objective,
Like....
Spotting Paris,
who enters on the Trojan side, tending his sheep
That Shepherd boy.
He'll be more selective.
Homer: Shepherd
boy?!
Muse 3: Don't worry -- he's really the Prince of Troy!
The 3 goddesses
address Paris.
Aphrodite: Yoo hoo,
Shepherd boy...
Hera and Athena: Can we ask you a question?
Paris: Me??
All 3: We grapple
with this golden apple
Our judge gets a great reward...
Whose beauty is the rarest? Which one's the fairest?
For the apple of discord!
Hera: I am Queen
Hera, and as you're aware a
Beauty needs maturity.
I got the juice, plus my husband's Zeus.
It's good having friends like me...
Athena: I am Athena,
Of wisdom I'm queen -- I'll
Set you wise, Shepherd boy
Want some hints? You're really a prince!
Who's cursed to bring the fall of Troy!
Paris: Me, a prince?
What -- ?
All 3: We grapple
with this golden apple
Our judge gets a great reward...
Whose beauty is the rarest? Which one's the fairest?
For the apple of discord.
Aphrodite: I'm Aphrodite,
my power is mighty
Behind the bedroom doors
I'm the goddess of love -- any girl you dream of --
Pick me! And she will be yours.
Paris: Ladies, you're
lovely, but how can I choose
The fairest of you three?
I know sheep, besides I'm not that deep.
So, what's in it for me?
All three: I'll
give you:
Hera: Strength!
Athena: Smarts!
Aphrodite: A beauty who necks
All three: I'll give you:
Hera: Power!
Athena: Brains!
Aphrodite: A hot night of sex!
All three: Whomever you chose, the others you'll hex
Athena: Think hard and long
Aphrodite: Mr. Big and Strong
Hera: Where does it belong
All 3: Do not choose wrong...
They freeze.
A light rises on Homer and the muses.
Homer: I don't know
-- who should he choose?
Muse 1: Homer, you know what sells epics these days:
Muse 2: Sex!
Muse 3: Power!
Muse 1: Money,
Muse 2: Sex
Muse 3: Ambition
Muse 1: Smarts!
Muse 2: Scandal!
All Muses: Sex! Get it?
Homer: Got it.
Muses: Good.
Muses and Homer
freeze as the lights return to Paris and Mt. Olympus.
Paris: You'll give
me:
Hera: Strength!
Athena: Smarts!
Aphrodite: A beauty who necks!
Paris: You'll give me:
Hera: Power!
Athena: Intelligence!
Aphrodite: A lifetime of sex!
Paris: My mind is decided -- it isn't complex.
I want the girl as my reward!
Aphrodite, you're the fairest of all.
You get the apple of discord!
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